Snake Terror

This has been an interesting (no sleep) week. Here is why:

Monday night, I needed to go out to my car. It was about 10ish. I left the apartment (durn you apt living) and randomly looked to the right.

All the blood left my body. It can't be. There was a giant snake crawling out of the siding on the wall. This is no lie - 5 feet from our front door.

I only saw about 6 inches of "him", but if I had to judge he was at least 3 feet long, just chilling in the siding.

I ran back to the front door and screamed, "StuartStuartStuartStuart, ComehereComehereComehere".

10 minutes later (the boy knows that I cry wolf), Stuart appears. I say, "IThinkThereIsAGiantSnakeInTheSiding" very flustered. He looks, and pretty much internally screams like a girl. Don't tell him that I said that.

I breathlessly run back into the apt, double bolt the lock (because that keeps snakes out) and lie awake in my bed all night dreaming about this snake getting revenge on me for outing him.

The next morning, I was a mess. He was going to be curled up on my Welcome mat. Licking his chops.

My weapon of choice of course was a broom. But note, the dustpan was attached. I figured that would stun him, while I swept his giant body away. I am pretty sure that I checked at least 4 times before I actually got the nerve to walk past the spot that he was last seen.

I called Stu on Tuesday afternoon to see if he had called the office to let them know (in my mind, it was well worth a call to 9-1-1 or at least animal control, but whatever). He had forgotten about it. Words escape me.

He called and the apt said they would set a trap. Ha - a trap for an anaconda, that is like a mouse trap for a lion.

2 days later (yesterday), I notice this.

(*Warning it is gross*)

Look to the left. Someone kicked the siding in.

Look to the right. Massive amounts of blood seeping out of the siding.

I am still terrified. All I can think of is that it just wounded and pissed him off.

I just want to move out.